I'm bleeding profusely... why no one can ever notice... I'm trying to be brave to be strong but how come whenever i'm facing the wall... when no one is here i'll tear... why this is such a big impact that i can't just simply walk out with... I thought i'll be ok... why hasn't be over... I realise that going out for the past 1 week is just proving to myself that i'm just a very sorry ass...

I know my friend is still here with me... I know i promise you are my priority... but y i cant let go no matter how much i wanna let go... seeing him so happy with his life... makes me realise that all he says abt how he love me and care of me and wanna us to remain friends is all bullshit... He just wanna have his life back... He long don't have his heart with me why can't I see... If he do love me... He wont have the mentality of being a player and wanting to play with gals...

He did mention a very dramtic irony... he said he don't know why that he is like yetty and i'm like him... when we just started off... its always been this way... now he even left me like how yetty left me... I'm just not that clever to investigate things that's all... Anyway... reasons are not impt... the main point is he dun want to be together with me... this is already a very impacting reality i need to face... I dun want to know the reasons... I know i cannot accept the reasons... I cannot accept the excuses as well... I might not be able to recover to hear the real reason from his own mouth... he is already doing me a pity by saying all the things he said... the things that he should say...

I've been playing this old corny song by Jay... Its call "quiet" in chinese its " An Jing"... neven did i realise that a song that accompanied me thru my sch days and keep broadcasting on air til i fed up have such an impact on mi... now i truly know wat is the song all about... it hurts it really hurts... its hurts to know that he don't love me... its hurts to see him still acting as if he cares when I'm the one who keep msging him... its hurts when you realise that wat he says turns out otherwise... Once I msg him... "Hubby how long can we be together?" "Forever baby, its more good luck..." I'm really a gal in fairytale giving this relationship so much faith til I left nothing... He left me with a very big wound that I need to hide and heal it myself... My ten months of love is actually bull shit to him... he dun cherish but throw it away... I still remember that he say "do you think that when a person who found a diamond will throw it away... he wont... and I wont also..." Every sentence he said that makes me tinkle last time turn into a sharp blade and cut into me each and everytime...

I remember the chorus of the song with much depth... How bad you want me to say... I jus dun want to part... why must I put up a smile and accept it... I dun have such talent... to embrace you and accept her... Dun worry too much... I'll be leading a better life... You are already far away... I'll slowly move away as well... Why must I still pester you when we are apart... I really dun have the talent... I can't get it over so fast... but I'll learn to give you up... cause I love you too much...

Hmm very meaningful right... I know one day my blood will stop bleeding for you... I know that I'll move on... I'll do it better... Since you are already moving on and leading a good life without me... I shouldn't have keep dwelling here... I'm waiting for my blood to stop to dry and I'll revive and be brand new again... I will one day... and I hope its soon... I cannot stand the days now... Its too tormenting...